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You like the subject! I love that song, it's so deep to me. Hotel California by the Eagles for those of you who don't know! Yea I love that song...I went to buy Champ some dog food and when I was waiting in line that song came on and I was "awwwwww" on the inside =] Yea so I was listening to 640 as usual and he was talking about how he refuses to write blogs because they would be pages long and random! But he's so random and funny-I would probably read them in a heartbeat! lol But the reason why I write this is to 1. Release any surpressed feelings because I don't really have any1 to talk to but Champ...and he isn't the most well-behaved dog let alone the best listener-but i digress. 2. Because I like looking back on things I said-it's funny! but sometimes it's sad. 3. I plan on writing a book-well books someday and maybe these blogs can be in them =] that would be awesome! 4....okay so there isn't a 4 but you get the point =D. Anyway GUESS WHO TURNS 18 ON WEDNESDAY!?!?!? THAT'S RIGHT! MEEEEE!!!!!! YAY!!!! I know I know I'm young but hey I'm doing WAY better than most 18, 19, 20, 21, 22-35 year olds that live in cursED rialto!lol Yea so I'm SUPER excited about that...but I'm not doing anything-plus I might have to work! Oh guess what! I OFFICIALLY start working at CRC tommorrow! I'm sooo excited. I bought the CUTEST dress pants! You know Beans has to be fresh! lol Man I was sooooooooooooo B-Z this week it wasn't even funny! I'm taking Art, Philosphy and Spanish...for spanish speakers [[*but beans you don't speak spanish?!*.....lol I KNOW!!]] lol Yea that class...is "fun" My "maestra" couldn't pronounce Abenaa properly so I told her to call me Beans or Frijoles lol. So she'll be like "Frijole como se blah blah quepo!???!!!" *ARGH!!!!* I need a tutor! I have to have 14 hours of tutoring =[ but it's not that bad-I'll do ANYTHING to go to FIDM...okay boys don't go crazy-I would do anything nonsexual...well....lol NO! I WOULDN'T!!!!!!!!!! lol!! ahhh I'm a little kooky these days...You have to remember I'm going thru a break up-3 years...w/ that...person...It's hard but I'm getting "better" everyday...he's moved on with ease. The DAY after we broke up he took his 30 yr. old hood mama to the beach and he took all kind pics with her all hugged and shit and lovey dovey like...may I just add that we've never been to the beach-okay we went once but we stayed in the car =/ and we never took pictures-except for winter formal IN 10TH GRADE! and we weren't even hugged up all lovey dovey...okay whatever let me STTTOOOOPPPPP ahh! blah It's so hard, he was my first real love! I need a new guy...to get my mind off him-a rebound to be exact but there's no one in the INLAN EMPIRE that is up to par! OHHH! but I heard [[i know don't believe everything you hear but this my might happen]] that the USC boys are always on the FIDm girls nuts! There's hope! Omg, If I were to date a guy that went to USC...*pleasant sigh* lol =D I would SOOOOOOOOO get over him with the quickness-boys in L.A. have sooo much swag and I have swag-we would just be...beautiful... lol BUT! It's not about the incredibly hot destined for success boys! It's about my DREAM! It's about the movement. I've got a mission that has to be fulfilled by the time I'm 21. So I emailed Laura about the classes I'm taking and what I've been doing. She was like "why aren't you taking a full load?" =/ I low key thought I was taking a full load...3 classes in the summer??? She has higher standards and I need that in my life. She also reminded me not to be discouraged by the losers that I'm surrounded by...I'm glad she hasn't asked me how much I've saved....($0.00) I know I know! I get paid every 1st so I'll save! No excuses! I'm ON WIPE ME DOWN!! I love that beat! I don't like how he says "car on E but all drinks on me!" UMMM! HON! If your cars on EMPTY you shouldn't be celebrating-let alone purchasing liquor for all the customers at a club...eww then the guy says "blah blah who I'm gon' fuck next!" sluts! I swear I'm SURROUNDED by nigger rich sluts! Meanwhile, I also went to see how much my earrings were going to be-$135...that's not bad my chain was $245 *ugh*ohh and I saw this money toe ring! so cute! But I need to save, It's hard not to want to buy all these materialistic shits in such a materialistic world. I feel like I'm a failure or something if I don't have a nice car...I feel kind of bad because I don't have rims...IT'S A PINK CAR GOTDAMMIT! WHAT ELSE DO WANT FROM ME lol AHH! Oh yeah it's for sale [[2001 KIA RIO]] $2500.00 or BEST OFFER! Hit me up for more information. And I feel even worse when I see a pair of nikes I want but I can't have them because I'm trying to save...but I end up spending the money I'm "saving" on gas *UGH* it's so hard. And as "RICH" as everyone thinks I am-you would think my mommy or daddy would just buy all the wonderful things I want!!! LMAO!!!!!! I'm not Annie and Daddy Warbucks is a fictional character! I'm not rich, I'm SEMI-blessed. I've been working since I TURNED 15 chigga! ALLLLL the shoe I have-I bought. 75% of my gear- I bought. All my designer bags-I bought. My car- was my sister's. It had horrible paint- so my parents took it to Earl Scheib real quick. And OF COURSE I picked PINK! that's my favorite color =] I can say I do have a better life than most people I know...but that's because my parents PLANNED to have a child-they saved. And they promised each other to give me anything I ever needed to be successful... which was incredibly smart. I hate when young people[[yes I said young people!!]] have children and just can't take care of them. The child ends up in foster home or with no dad or with a dad who's barely there or no MOM or a mom who is barely there! It's pathetic and that child ends up just as SLUTASCIOUS [[uh oh new word!]] as the parents were! It's a deadly cycle...a deadly pathetic cycle. So my mom tells me I'm going to have to get along with my dad because he's coming back to live with us =[ WOW!!! ----WOWOWWOWOWOWOW! ahhh! *UGH* I can't believe she's taking him back-I can't believe he has THE NERVE to come back!! For the record, I place my father and my last b/f in the same category in my mind...yeah....what can I say? in the words of the great hustler Little Weezy F Baby "I'm heartless and iced out see, i've got an ice box where my heart used to be. HA!" lol yeah...you can say it-i'm a cold a$$ piece, and I'm going to be fucking rich-BITCH lol. MAN you have to hear this quote I read it's so inspirational to me, one of those things that helps me focus, you know? "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." [[nietzsche]] That's so real. It's so hard to be a leader and smart and to be out of the box and outspoken and to chase your dreams[[especially if you're a minority and/or woman-but that shouldn't be an excuse for anyone]]...no one will believe in what your doing-not even your lovers and friends... I have to say that again NOT EVEN YOUR LOVERS AND FRIENDS, it's hard but if you don't persue your dream-no one will do it for you...NO ONE WILL DO IT FOR YOU!!!!!!! He also said another quote "the visionary lies to himself, the liar lies to others" but the more you dream, the more you persue with true passion, when it's not just about the money it's a fiery feeling you get in your heart when you start to just envision it. that's passion. and it doesn't happen overnight. But if you truly believe in yourself and you don't let the crazy fake, broke sluts discourage you....and you give it your 100%-you can do it! Like the INFAMOUS ;) R. Kelly once said "If I can see it, then I can do it-If I just believe it....there's NOTHING to it."....that's so real...lol of course that was before "feelin' on yo booty" and the infamous rape case lol...he's an awesome artist tho'. Gotta love him! No matter how insane and sexually pervertic he is =]....But once you make it and you are doing YOUR dream and you own it, it's just you-no J.ustO.verB.roke, your own business, making your own money doing something you love with all your heart....well there's no greater accomplishment in this world-you're fulfilled. Now what? You spoil yourself you deserve it! You buy the best of EVERYTHING-nothing but the best. You find someone to share your joy with...and you bring children into this world to shower them with your rewards and knowledge, and you teach them that's it's a cold world, keep it real with them from the get go, share your acquired wisdom....man I'm going LOL! =D I have to do some kind of inspirational speaking when I make it! =] What can I say!?!? I'm a NFL geek! That's NATIONAL FORENSICS LEAGUE chigga! lol *ugh* i hate love songs...I stick to songs about money or songs I can dance to with a nice beat."shawty got class-oh behave!" lol! I love that one! well beans has homework! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! =[ lol just think ~*FIDM*~ lol Man that's what I do in class chigga! When I feel like dosing off, or doodling. I start going "FIDMfidmFIdmfiDMFIDMFFFIIIDDDMMMMMfidm!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in my mind lol! It helps! So I'll hit you up next week and tell you how the REAL [[sorry beyonce]] B~DAY went! lol! PEACEOUTCHIGGA!