HERmindIStwstdSHESgotAbenzMIRRORonDAceilinPNKchampagneONiceWErALLjusPRISONERShereOFourOWNdevice

You like the subject! I love that song, it's so deep to me. Hotel California by the Eagles for those of you who don't know! Yea I love that song...I went to buy Champ some dog food and when I was waiting in line that song came on and I was "awwwwww" on the inside =] Yea so I was listening to 640 as usual and he was talking about how he refuses to write blogs because they would be pages long and random! But he's so random and funny-I would probably read them in a heartbeat! lol But the reason why I write this is to 1. Release any surpressed feelings because I don't really have any1 to talk to but Champ...and he isn't the most well-behaved dog let alone the best listener-but i digress. 2. Because I like looking back on things I said-it's funny! but sometimes it's sad. 3. I plan on writing a book-well books someday and maybe these blogs can be in them =] that would be awesome! 4....okay so there isn't a 4 but you get the point =D. Anyway GUESS WHO TURNS 18 ON WEDNESDAY!?!?!? THAT'S RIGHT! MEEEEE!!!!!! YAY!!!! I know I know I'm young but hey I'm doing WAY better than most 18, 19, 20, 21, 22-35 year olds that live in cursED rialto!lol Yea so I'm SUPER excited about that...but I'm not doing anything-plus I might have to work! Oh guess what! I OFFICIALLY start working at CRC tommorrow! I'm sooo excited. I bought the CUTEST dress pants! You know Beans has to be fresh! lol Man I was sooooooooooooo B-Z this week it wasn't even funny! I'm taking Art, Philosphy and Spanish...for spanish speakers [[*but beans you don't speak spanish?!*.....lol I KNOW!!]] lol Yea that class...is "fun" My "maestra" couldn't pronounce Abenaa properly so I told her to call me Beans or Frijoles lol. So she'll be like "Frijole como se blah blah quepo!???!!!" *ARGH!!!!* I need a tutor! I have to have 14 hours of tutoring =[ but it's not that bad-I'll do ANYTHING to go to FIDM...okay boys don't go crazy-I would do anything nonsexual...well....lol NO! I WOULDN'T!!!!!!!!!! lol!! ahhh I'm a little kooky these days...You have to remember I'm going thru a break up-3 years...w/ that...person...It's hard but I'm getting "better" everyday...he's moved on with ease. The DAY after we broke up he took his 30 yr. old hood mama to the beach and he took all kind pics with her all hugged and shit and lovey dovey like...may I just add that we've never been to the beach-okay we went once but we stayed in the car =/ and we never took pictures-except for winter formal IN 10TH GRADE! and we weren't even hugged up all lovey dovey...okay whatever let me STTTOOOOPPPPP ahh! blah It's so hard, he was my first real love! I need a new guy...to get my mind off him-a rebound to be exact but there's no one in the INLAN EMPIRE that is up to par! OHHH! but I heard [[i know don't believe everything you hear but this my might happen]] that the USC boys are always on the FIDm girls nuts! There's hope! Omg, If I were to date a guy that went to USC...*pleasant sigh* lol =D I would SOOOOOOOOO get over him with the quickness-boys in L.A. have sooo much swag and I have swag-we would just be...beautiful... lol BUT! It's not about the incredibly hot destined for success boys! It's about my DREAM! It's about the movement. I've got a mission that has to be fulfilled by the time I'm 21. So I emailed Laura about the classes I'm taking and what I've been doing. She was like "why aren't you taking a full load?" =/ I low key thought I was taking a full load...3 classes in the summer??? She has higher standards and I need that in my life. She also reminded me not to be discouraged by the losers that I'm surrounded by...I'm glad she hasn't asked me how much I've saved....($0.00) I know I know! I get paid every 1st so I'll save! No excuses! I'm ON WIPE ME DOWN!! I love that beat! I don't like how he says "car on E but all drinks on me!" UMMM! HON! If your cars on EMPTY you shouldn't be celebrating-let alone purchasing liquor for all the customers at a club...eww then the guy says "blah blah who I'm gon' fuck next!" sluts! I swear I'm SURROUNDED by nigger rich sluts! Meanwhile, I also went to see how much my earrings were going to be-$135...that's not bad my chain was $245 *ugh*ohh and I saw this money toe ring! so cute! But I need to save, It's hard not to want to buy all these materialistic shits in such a materialistic world. I feel like I'm a failure or something if I don't have a nice car...I feel kind of bad because I don't have rims...IT'S A PINK CAR GOTDAMMIT! WHAT ELSE DO WANT FROM ME lol AHH! Oh yeah it's for sale [[2001 KIA RIO]] $2500.00 or BEST OFFER! Hit me up for more information. And I feel even worse when I see a pair of nikes I want but I can't have them because I'm trying to save...but I end up spending the money I'm "saving" on gas *UGH* it's so hard. And as "RICH" as everyone thinks I am-you would think my mommy or daddy would just buy all the wonderful things I want!!! LMAO!!!!!! I'm not Annie and Daddy Warbucks is a fictional character! I'm not rich, I'm SEMI-blessed. I've been working since I TURNED 15 chigga! ALLLLL the shoe I have-I bought. 75% of my gear- I bought. All my designer bags-I bought. My car- was my sister's. It had horrible paint- so my parents took it to Earl Scheib real quick. And OF COURSE I picked PINK! that's my favorite color =] I can say I do have a better life than most people I know...but that's because my parents PLANNED to have a child-they saved. And they promised each other to give me anything I ever needed to be successful... which was incredibly smart. I hate when young people[[yes I said young people!!]] have children and just can't take care of them. The child ends up in foster home or with no dad or with a dad who's barely there or no MOM or a mom who is barely there! It's pathetic and that child ends up just as SLUTASCIOUS [[uh oh new word!]] as the parents were! It's a deadly cycle...a deadly pathetic cycle. So my mom tells me I'm going to have to get along with my dad because he's coming back to live with us =[ WOW!!! ----WOWOWWOWOWOWOW! ahhh! *UGH* I can't believe she's taking him back-I can't believe he has THE NERVE to come back!! For the record, I place my father and my last b/f in the same category in my mind...yeah....what can I say? in the words of the great hustler Little Weezy F Baby "I'm heartless and iced out see, i've got an ice box where my heart used to be. HA!" lol yeah...you can say it-i'm a cold a$$ piece, and I'm going to be fucking rich-BITCH lol. MAN you have to hear this quote I read it's so inspirational to me, one of those things that helps me focus, you know? "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." [[nietzsche]] That's so real. It's so hard to be a leader and smart and to be out of the box and outspoken and to chase your dreams[[especially if you're a minority and/or woman-but that shouldn't be an excuse for anyone]]...no one will believe in what your doing-not even your lovers and friends... I have to say that again NOT EVEN YOUR LOVERS AND FRIENDS, it's hard but if you don't persue your dream-no one will do it for you...NO ONE WILL DO IT FOR YOU!!!!!!! He also said another quote "the visionary lies to himself, the liar lies to others" but the more you dream, the more you persue with true passion, when it's not just about the money it's a fiery feeling you get in your heart when you start to just envision it. that's passion. and it doesn't happen overnight. But if you truly believe in yourself and you don't let the crazy fake, broke sluts discourage you....and you give it your 100%-you can do it! Like the INFAMOUS ;) R. Kelly once said "If I can see it, then I can do it-If I just believe it....there's NOTHING to it."....that's so real...lol of course that was before "feelin' on yo booty" and the infamous rape case lol...he's an awesome artist tho'. Gotta love him! No matter how insane and sexually pervertic he is =]....But once you make it and you are doing YOUR dream and you own it, it's just you-no J.ustO.verB.roke, your own business, making your own money doing something you love with all your heart....well there's no greater accomplishment in this world-you're fulfilled. Now what? You spoil yourself you deserve it! You buy the best of EVERYTHING-nothing but the best. You find someone to share your joy with...and you bring children into this world to shower them with your rewards and knowledge, and you teach them that's it's a cold world, keep it real with them from the get go, share your acquired wisdom....man I'm going LOL! =D I have to do some kind of inspirational speaking when I make it! =] What can I say!?!? I'm a NFL geek! That's NATIONAL FORENSICS LEAGUE chigga! lol *ugh* i hate love songs...I stick to songs about money or songs I can dance to with a nice beat."shawty got class-oh behave!" lol! I love that one! well beans has homework! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! =[ lol just think ~*FIDM*~ lol Man that's what I do in class chigga! When I feel like dosing off, or doodling. I start going "FIDMfidmFIdmfiDMFIDMFFFIIIDDDMMMMMfidm!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in my mind lol! It helps! So I'll hit you up next week and tell you how the REAL [[sorry beyonce]] B~DAY went! lol! PEACEOUTCHIGGA!

I’M NOT A BUSINESSMAN!!!?!?!?!! I’m a BUSINESS, man! Now let me handle my business damn!

This week was ok! Nothing special. Well yesterday me and that dude…spent time together…it was ok, at first it was awkward but then it was like the good ol’ times…then we started arguing…then we started talking…we kissed…man! I HATE HIM! But I still….*UGH* I still …have strong feelings for him =I and I miss having someone to cuddle with and kiss and hug and that good stuff…but I just don’t feel like he deserves me plus he’s slumming it with some 30 yr old hood mama jail bird with a child lol SO YEAH! =D in the words of beyonce ” let’s go little kitty kat, I think it’s time to go little kitty kat, he don’t want no more, quite frankly I’m not feeling it”lol...i’m just waiting for my clyde/prince charming to sweep me off my feet =)…and you know what’s sadder? his ‘rents don’t even like me anymore-yeah- they say “I’ve became cold, I used be so nice”.… u kno, mr. slumming low key made me this way…. hey, it’s a cold world……and what can I say, my chain doesn’t say “SnootyBooty” for no reason =]Anyway I spend most-well ALL of my time at home. What can I say I’m an indoors girl! But for Julio the 4th my family and I excluding my mom went to University of Redlands to watch the firework show. It was okay! OH yeah and yesterday I went to a Speech Banquet just for the Seniors it was okay…lol, I mean what can I say everything in the Inland Empire is just “okay”. Then of course we’ve got the little hating BROKE FAKE SLUTS that unfortunately exist in my life lol[[you know who u guys are=D keep doing ur jobs-fucking, lying, hating and being broke =P]]I think the most exciting thing I did this week was talking to Laura[[yes I finally called her]] She’s so incredible and wise- she’s just awesome. She was like “so tell me all the things people say when you tell them you’re going to FIDM”[[lol she already knew the bizz]] I was like well they don’t think I’ll make it because it’s a very competitive business, it’s too expensive [[which I agree with]] &the job placements aren’t as they seem. She was like,”who’s saying this?” and I told her[[u know who u are]] and she was like “Well in your eyes are those people you look up to or want to be like?” NOOO!!! That’s a nightmare! Lol She was like “Well those people are just trying to keep you down because there not used to people like you who chase their dreams, they honestly don’t want to see you doing better than them, they don’t think you’re capable or they just were miss informed about our school[[aka HATERS DOING THEIR JOB!lol}}. Now there’s nothing in this world that isn’t competitive-even medical research. Especially your preferred major Apparel Manufacturing Management. Most students don’t choose that major. But if you dedicate yourself 100% like I know you will-you can do it! So many people have made it here because they concentrate and focus and do what they need to do- the ones that don’t concentrate-don’t make it. The owner of Baby Phat, the owner of BCBG, the designer of Juicy Couture, one of our professor’s is a lead director for Armani, the True Religion Men’s designer, The Roxy/Quiksilver designer, Barbie’s Senior Manager, Head of Purchasing for 7 for all mankind, Merchandise Manager for Bloomingdale’s, Production Manager of Guess?, Ralph Lauren associate designer, Banana Republic Merchandise Manager, Director of Merchandising Tommy Hilfiger, North Face senior designer, the owner of Fred Segal, the Rampage designer and so much more! The ones that don’t make it are the ones who don’t love this business and don’t believe in themselves and they allow the people around them to influence them and discourage them. Now on the second day of school we have a huge job fair and the students who have resumes and are ready are the ones who get jobs! You know, if this is what you want to do, then do it! The only thing stopping you right now is yourself.” She’s the realest white woman I’ve ever met.lol. I love that lady. She tells me what I need to hear. No one around here tells me that shit. I’m not saying I need to hear that to do what I want…but it helps, you know-encouragement! Even though it’s an arm and leg just to go there-I’m going. My plan is to get my BS in 3.5 years [[hopefully]] because they make so you can go to school all year round! No x-mas break shit, spring break none of that-just fashion =] Then I’m going to like some kind of small country in asia or Europe or south America and open a factory[[NO NOT A SWEAT SHOP, this aint that 4ever 21 bullshit! I’m going to take care of my people]] and pay them to make my kill off designs like my dresses and jackets and fits that are in my portfolio-not these little screen print shits. Then I’m going to open two shops[[at first]] one on Melrose and one in New York [[KILL OFF STORES that look tight as f@*%]]and have some stores and boutiques sell Beans. Then I’ll expand. Well that’s what I see right now-but I might get some ideas or words or wisdom when I go to FIDM from my professors …It’s not going to be easy! But I know what I have to do…and right now…I have to get good grades[[I have summer school manana]] and save!! I’m going to need all the money I can get my hands on…this isn’t going to be some little mom and pop shit. Beans is going to have be a movement. And beans can do it=] My dad was a hustler and my mom was LOW KEY and so am I. I don’t need anyone but me, myself and I. I’ll get it done! I’ll run it! But I don’t have to tell that- you already know! Lol. I just got to meet the right people and I know I will, especially when I go to FIDM. Yup Beans is a business, man! Now let me handle my business damn! Lol 10 more days till beans is legal! YAAHOO!! I still don’t know what I’m doing for bday…maybe I should just get pampered all day then go to the club by myself-*ugh* but I’m scuuured, older people are crazy lol!....

WAITtil IgetMY$riteTHENuCANTtellMEnothinRITE!xcuseMErUsayinSOMETHIN-UHUH u cant tell me NOTHIN!

My life…is full of fun…It seems like everyone around me that I assume love me-don’t. First on my list my mother! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! I can’t even BEGIN to tell you the shit she’s done to me! I know you’re like “oh she can’t be that bad-she seems so nice!” FUCK YOU! You don’t live in my fucking house-she’s a bitch and she’s never loved me! That bitch is faker than faux fur[[in the words of New York]] Sometimes I feel sorry for my dad-then I don’t! lol…*ugh* …Maybe if he still lived here I would have more compassion for him…and who could ever forget the “love of my life” HA!!! Anywho, so on Monday morning he calls me right…yeah I know…and I’m like “leave me alone, I don’t like you, yes I do miss you, no I don’t want to see you, no I’m not going to your house, no I don’t want to have sex with you, you know that Marian Carey song “shake it off” ? that’s how I feel, ‘I got to shake you off b/c ur loving ain’t the same and u keep on playing game LIKE YOU KNOW I’M HERE TO STAY!!!’, yes that’s how I feel, no don’t come over here, no I don’t want to go on a date!, where?, ok[[I agreed to go Redhill on fri. morning]], NO you can’t come over here!“ But of course he came over here….it was awkward and annoying. He wanted a kiss and a hug before he would leave =[ so I hugged him but I wouldn’t kiss him…then my LOVELY MOTHER comes home and starts yelling obscenities. So now he knows more of my family secrets than he was supposed to. Then [[he’s so PATHETIC!]] he’s all like “Abenaa you can’t be mean to everyone, I’m here for you, you can talk to me, I love you, I’m coming over here tomorrow morning, this isn’t over, you know you’re going to be something one day because you’ve got what it takes, I love you, I missed you so much” BULLSHIT! This guy just talks OUT HIS A$$ for a living! I swear![[and he didn’t come over tues.]] So later that day I received my graduation CD…I swear I almost cried-I’m really done with high school!!! Anyhow, I had an interview at CRC on Tuesday, I bought a drug test to make sure I was as clean as I felt…and I was. ….I’m going to be a Health Records Technician. 2G’s a month! So Friday morning comes…lol no call…so I’m like Champ loves me, I’ll take him for a walk…and as I’m walking Champ, dirty dick #1 and dirty dick #2 drive pass! lol! WOW!! But I guess I was dumb for even AGREEING to go on a date with him…but whatever-I guess…So I get a txt asking if I was going to the party…I have nothing better to do- SO WHY NOT =D I love to dance! My only “friend” can’t go out so I roll by myself…it was cool. I had a shot of Everclear and “puckers” I think it’s called. I got hit on by a 5 yr old, a white weed head, and a wannabe pharrell-but he was kind of cool, cute dunkx-just not my type…then at 2am guess who rings?????????? That’s right?!?! DIRTY DICK!! YAY!! But I don’t even answer…he’s full of bullshit…and I feel sorry for any pathetic pussy who is SOMEWHAT interested in him b/c he’s not going to change-ever! And if he does…it’s not ANYTIME soon! But have fun, just know you’re being played, and use a rubber-and that’s real! Anywho, Saturday morning, I’m struggling trying to send info from my VISTA tablet to the Carter Library because my printer is out of ink! That takes almost two hours of my f-ing life! WHEN IS AMERICA GOING TO SWITCH TO VISTA!!! But I get it done[[“it” being a card for Mercedes]] and me and my 2 adopted sisters go to meet Mercedes, you know top model…she didn’t win but she was awesome. I made a card for her with some of my clothing design samples in it and my contact info. I hope she shows some fashion designer and he calls me and flies me out to Paris to start my fall collection, then we fly back here to shoot my first commercial and we make a deal with MTV to start my own reality show…yeah! I have a lot of dreams J…I mean Donald Trump said “if you’re going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big” And I do. Well that evening my only “friend” calls me and she wants me to give her a ride to a party. I love her I really do but I am not a taxi-and it’s not like she doesn’t have a car…I wasn’t trying to be mean or rude to her…I don’t know so I get to the party and I see her bro-and I’m like if HE’S here she has to be coming-so I call her and she’s like yeah I’m here. So I see her…but she was acting funny bunny so I just left her alone…I got hit on by the most randomest guys-it was sickening. Then today my dad calls me like “where were u @ the other night?” BITCH where have u been the past 8 months!...and my mom…man let me just say I’m OFFICIALLY moving out in August! …I just want a handsome MAN-not some little play boy who doesn’t know what the fuck he wants to do with his pathetic life. I want him to have nice shoes, dress nice, smart, trustworthy, and really SEXY-major sex appeal; I mean I get turned on when I hear his voice!! Someone who loves me just the way I am no matter what…the way I loved dirty dick…someone who would drop whatever he’s doing just to see my face, someone with the same dreams and theories I have. Someone who doesn’t get high everyday and drunk every weekend [[and if he does, it’s only for a SPECIAL SPECIAL SPECIAL occasion and we’re celebrating something really really really special]]Someone with friends that aren’t girls that he thinks are hot or loser wannabe gangbangers who encourage him to lie and cheat. I just…man…I know my prince charming is out there…waiting to love me =]But in the mean time, I’ve got to make this money-I gotta be rich and famous before I’m 21. I’m still not sure how I’m going to do it…but I will!! Man…I’m not sure about FIDM anymore…it’s fucking expensive! And I’m only getting a BS in apparel manufacturing...I know that’s what I want to do but I have other dreams, and that damn admissions advisor, Laura Gorham, keeps ringing me! I’ll call her next week for sure! I can’t wait till Beans Frippery takes off! =D I’m just tired of everyone-honestly, everyone just talking SHIT! I can’t wait till I’m shopping online for my hot pink Lamborghini Murcielago and planning my line up for the magic show! I wish my mom or my dad or dirty dick or one of my friends or some ugly wannabe pharrell weed head would call me talking crazy! I’ll be like “what? Are you “talking” to me? What’s your fucking net worth bitch?!!...that’s right shut the fuck up! I’m wearing Yves Saint Laurent oven mittens with matching loafers-BITCH!” lol It’s going to be a B-U-TEE-FULL thing! But yeah, I just want to thank everyone who does support me! I love you guys! And remember NO BITING, I see all that shit! You fucking lames! But I can’t blame u-I made you!lol! I hope you like the new designs I put up! If anyone out there has some kind of “fashion/business/screenprinting hookup” LET ME KNOW PLEASE!!!!!!!!! Remember my birthday is on JULY 18th!!!!!! WOOTWOOT! I’m going to be 18!! If you’re down to go clubbing, talk to me! But yeah…Beans Frippery is going to make the world look healthy, wealthy and wise-be wear!

yea I'm alone& I'm scared as a dog, but I got a new song& I want u to sing along...

As some of you know, I was in Witchita, Kansas last week! I was at a "National Forensics League (the real NFL) National Tournament". I didn't break (excel to the next round)...i'm a sore loser.........but I guess I'm happy that I was "Sounthern California District Dramatic Interpretation Champion" Basically I got 1st place at Nat quals. You know, before I left I was ...very unhappy. It's obvious if you read my last blog...and you know how I talked about the pathetic pussy's and the dirty dicks just wanting to show off and how I said it's not about being nigger rich...it's about being wealthy. Kansas SOOO proved my point! I mean these people had ESTATES...i means ACRES of land! It was beautiful! And the whole time I was there I only saw like "2 scrapers on dubs". But I saw my TTRRUUEE love the Mercedes Benz G 550 AMG on stocks and I saw alot of lexus' and bimmer's on stocks. It was refreshing! Don't get me wrong I love the young fly flashy hollywood thing but kansas was...normal! Out there everything is FLAT! Great food[[Rib Crib, Freddy's Frozen Custard]], DEERS! People who don't know how to give directions...and...american! I wanted to find Dorothy and trade her heels so bad!lol! I've always loved those ruby pumps! I also, bought this book out there "Nice Girls Don't Get Rich"-i recommend it to every....girl!lol. Even though I'm scared out of my fricking mind and no one really supports or believes in what I'm doing.....that book gave me the courage to actually try to start my clothing line. Mr.Wilson told me about this website called cafepress.com that screen prints and he also told me that Paul Frank started his business by making leather wallets. So I opened a cafepress account another myspace account and started turning my ideas into reality. I did ALOT of thinking in Kansas...some of my pondering was often interrupted by midnight calls from dirty dicks and the constant nagging of pathetic pussy's but I TRIED not to let it shake me.lol Yea it's this new thing I'm trying "staying in my bubble and focusing on me." And I was doing quite well if I do say so myself...until we reached Ontario and queen slut was there (just my luck) asking Mr.Wilson questions!lol! You should've saw my face I looked like I just smelled Kansas again and I just shook my head at her and walked away before I...was shaken. Mr.Wilson was like are u okay? I wanted to say "she was 3 months pregnant wanted to have a 3some with me and when I dumped my cheating lying "boyfriend"/her "friend" she started talking to him"...but I just answered" OH YES! I'M FINE!" I know he knew that I was lying b/c I was-but whatever! I'm worried about Beans Frippery...you like the name Beans is my nickname and Frippery means finery in dress, esp. when showy, gaudy, or the like.Cute huh?? I spent all day making that fricking logo! I hate Adobe! That inspired the Adobe tee!!lol!!! So check it out! I'll be writing one of these things every Sunday night....or Monday morning! I'll be posting new shirts for Beans also! So support me please and contact me! Thanks so much for just reading this! have u ever just ...wanted something so bad....u were willing to do anything...something new to make it work...well this is mine....so get used to beans!